IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
