break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
