Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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