Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
