i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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