i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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