opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
