While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
