I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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