Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize