Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
