She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
