Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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