plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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