I feel like abortions should bother me more
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
