help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
