I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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