I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
