I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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