you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
