I just made out with a guy for $7.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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