is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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