I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
