Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
