I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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