You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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