I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize