A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
