Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
