Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
