Can Purell be used as lube?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
