there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
