I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad