I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus