my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
