Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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