the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
