I forgot how hot balto sounded
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
