you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
