Don't make out with my wife yet
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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