Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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