Got a toothbrush?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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