Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
