thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize