I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
