i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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