I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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