Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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