Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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