LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
