bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
