Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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