I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
