I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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