so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
