I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
