are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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