ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
