When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
