We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
