Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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