Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
