lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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