The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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