Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
