If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
