I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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