Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
