I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
