I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
