I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this just has baby written all over it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
