So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
