And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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